The decay of useful information on the internet proceeds.
The latest example is the enstupidification of plant descriptions. Consider this description of the “Suwannee” peach from Just Fruits and Exotics:
About the Fruit
Embrace the essence of the South with the Suwannee Peach Tree, a delightful variety that promises to deliver mouth-watering peaches right in your backyard. Each succulent fruit is a symphony of flavors, combining the perfect blend of sweetness and acidity, producing a juicy, tender bite every time. Whether you’re baking a classic peach cobbler or enjoying them fresh off the branch, the Suwannee Peach is a versatile gem that will become a staple of your home orchard.
What to Know About the Tree
The Suwannee Peach Tree is a picture of elegance and vitality. This deciduous tree awakens in spring with a stunning display of pink blossoms that give way to lush green foliage. As a moderate grower, it reaches a manageable height that makes it perfect for both expansive gardens and intimate outdoor spaces. Not only is the tree visually appealing, but it’s also hardy and adaptable, requiring minimal maintenance to thrive and produce its prized fruits.
Harvest Season
Anticipation peaks in the heat of summer when the Suwannee Peach Tree’s bountiful harvest is ready to grace your table. With peaches ripening usually in mid to late summer, your patience is rewarded with an abundance of fresh, flavorful peaches that embody the warmth and generosity of the season.
That is a quite a pile of verbiage. It doesn’t tell you much about what makes Suwannee a unique peach… or really, much of anything at all.
Here’s another terrible one, this time about the “Joy” apple. Instead of giving us some info on why this variety is unique (where it was discovered, how it thrives in more heat than other apples, etc.), we get this:
Joy’s Apple Tree: Crisp Delights in Every Bite
About the Fruit
Delve into the delectable world of Joy’s Apple, a variety that exudes the perfect blend of sweetness and zesty flavor. Each apple is a symphony of taste, with a crisp texture that sings with freshness. The alluring red blush over a yellow base makes these apples not only a treat for the taste buds but also a visual delight. Ideal for snacking, baking, or creating savory pairings, Joy’s Apple promises to inspire your culinary adventures and become a cherished favorite.
What to Know About the Tree
Joy’s Apple Tree is a testament to the beauty and bounty of nature. This deciduous tree heralds the coming of spring with its show of delicate white blossoms, setting the stage for a fruitful harvest. With a presence that can grow up to 12-15 feet tall when mature, it offers a stately appearance without overwhelming the landscape. The tree’s robust nature and adaptability to various climates make it a resilient addition to any garden, requiring only your love and care to thrive.
Harvest Season
Anticipation grows as the harvest season approaches in the late summer to early fall, when Joy’s Apples reach their peak ripeness. The tree’s foliage transitions into autumnal hues, providing the perfect backdrop for the richly colored apples that are ready to be plucked. This season ushers in a time of abundance, with each branch laden with fruit that’s as fresh as it gets – directly from your own fruitscape™.
Come on, man.
Or ChatGPT.
You have good plants. Tell us their story.
Say “Maintains a good form. Fireblight resistant. Discovered by my friend Bob.” Not “a picture of elegance and vitality”
We need real information, not fluffy magic words and incontinent gushing.
Will the real humans please stand up?
After all that blah blah blah, check out this description of Chaing Mai 60 mulberry from Cody Cove Farms.
“Chaing Mai #60 is a mulberry variety from Thailand that is grown in that country as a niche commercial berry crop. What distinguishes this variety from all others we have tasted is that the berries are very firm and are not damaged during harvest. Other mulberries easily have their walls broken during picking, which is why children famously turn purple from handling the fruit. This variety can be picked and placed into clamshells to be sold or stored to be eaten later. We experimented by picking fruit and storing in the refrigerator to test shelf life. At two weeks, one hundred percent of the berries were still of good eating quality. Other mulberry varieties are hardly intact by the time they get indoors.
This mulberry variety has other good horticultural traits. It grows as a dense bush rather than a tree, facilitating easy harvest. It has tightly packed internodes and excessively high production, making fruit loads so heavy that the branches can lean over with fruit weight and almost touch the ground. The fruit are quite large. Unfortunately, you can’t always have your cake and eat it too. The fruit is somewhat bland compared to other mulberry varieties. It is still a good fruit that receives positive feedback when given to guests, but definitely falls short in flavor compared to some others. We feel that the shelf life of the berries and high productivity make this a worthwhile variety to cultivate even though there are better tasting varieties. In many ways, this mimics the scenario of other commercial fruits which may not have sensational flavor but can hold up to shipping. We personally enjoy eating the fruit quite a lot.
This variety is similar to other types in the nursery trade such as Thai Dwarf and World’s Best. It very well may be the same clone as one of these but we have no way to confirm it is or is not the exact same variety.
This variety of mulberry tends to break dormancy very early in the spring, which could make it prone to crops being lost in locations that get frequent late frosts. This variety roots very easily from cuttings if you wish to make more trees later.”
Keep it simple. Don’t spout flowery nonsense. Relay actual growing experience if possible.
Writing “Fruit tastes good. Plant in full sun” beats the living daylights out of “a delightful variety that promises to deliver mouth-watering peaches.” ‘
If everything is amazing, and luscious, and mouth-watering, and alluring, and savory, and delectable… it’s just tiresome. You stop believing anything.
You get past the point of wondering what a girl looks like under all her makeup, to wondering if she even is a girl.
My two cents. I’m tired of stupid. Take it or leave it. Or ignore me completely and just keep it unburdened by what has been.
