For those of you who want to know how to process coffee at home, I put it into a quick video outlining the seven steps it takes to get from the tree to your mug of choice:

Transcript:

My friend Steven did a “2 Minute Technique” video recently, which was great. However, this video clocks in at 2.5 minutes, meaning I have 25% MORE CONTENT for the same low price.

Okay – after doing some really long coffee processing videos, let’s break it down into seven steps without the extra jokes, raps, failures and witty dialog between a sexy couple.

Step 1: pick some ripe coffee cherries!

Our trees need pruning for easier harvest but we still managed to pick close to a gallon of cherries in about 20 minutes.

Step 2: Once you’ve picked your coffee cherries, remove the beans from the fruit.

We did this the hard way – me with my teeth and Rachel with a steak knife, but there are much easier ways, such as crushing and grinding the fruit with a thick board on concrete or by soaking overnight to loosen the fruit from the bean.

Step 3: take your beans and throw them into some water for a day or two.

This will ferment away the slimy layer on the beans. When they feel rough between your fingers instead of slick, you’ve got it. Rinse them off and then proceed to step four.

Step 4: Dry the beans.

If you want to store the green beans for any period of time, it’s important to dry them quite well so they don’t mold. This can take days in the sun. We didn’t bother as we were heading right to roasting. Instead, we dried the beans for a few hours, then went to step 5.

Step 5: remove the parchment layer.

The parchment layer is a rough, tan layer that surrounds the beans. Peel it off!

Step 6: Roast the beans.

We roasted the beans in a stainless steel pot over medium heat, stirring constantly, but there are many other ways to do this. You can bake the beans in the oven or use a popcorn popper. We don’t have a popcorn popper and we wanted to closely monitor the progress so we simply toasted ours in a pot over the burner.

Step 7: Grind the coffee

There are hand-cranked machines but we used a little electric espresso grinder instead which works like a charm.

Now you can brew your coffee however you like and enjoy some homegrown goodness, from tree to cup.

Thanks for watching – catch me on the web at TheSurvivalGardener.com and be sure to check out my $2 booklet The Survival Gardener’s Guide to Growing Your Own Caffeine. Until next time, may your thumbs always be green.

How to Process Coffee at Home: The Long Version

Before I edited and released “How to Process Coffee at Home” the short version, I captured a lot more of the process in a series of three videos. If you enjoy rapping, random jokes, long processing scenes and random cuts, well, you’ll enjoy these much more than the short video.

And, if that isn’t enough for you, I also did a 2.5 minute rap version:

Lyrics:

Step one is fun – it’s my favorite, so savor it

Picking cherries from the trees if you please

And dropping them in a sack to bring back to the plantation

In our tropical nation, and it’s a true revelation

How much work needs to be done

Till that percolator runs, son

Step two – time to peel the fruit off the seeds

And this takes a ton of time – it’s a crime

To do it like we did – I won’t kid

Cracking cherries with your teeth? Call the coffee police

Put a board on the concrete and mash ‘em flat

and save time with that

Step three, the fruit is sticky and slick

So soak for a day or two and that does the trick

The power of fermentation from slimy to rough

It ain’t tough just let em sit, then wash a bit and your golden with dreams unfolden

Step 4, it’s time for more, get those beans in the sun to dry

Gotta cap that parchment layer and here’s why

cause it keeps the beans inside a shell

Split it off and you’ll do well

Which is step five where you peel all the seeds because you needs to unleash the inner bean so green with a fine jade sheen I’m lovin it, uncoverin it, now we’re almost done – light the fire and we’ll get to the fun

Step five, now we strive, to toast these beans until we get a fine roast, at most, we want to cook them through and get the room a bit smokey, no jokey, I don’t want ‘em black or green but right in the middle cause the taste is keen

Step six, grind ‘em up, we got a little grinder and my wife is finer than a beauty queen, drinking bowls of coffee till she’s floating on a cloud of caffeine, but first, gotta get to step seven java heaven

Seven, brew the roast. We use a French press that’s the best for flavor, and now we savor, the rich homegrown and we’ve shown you all the steps of coffee, from tree to cup and what’s up with the long process to caffeinated bottoms up. That’s a wrap – or a rap as I tap out the beats as we pick and process the beans that give rise to the inspiration and innovation of a hip-hop conversation about the seven steps to getting some delicious Joe… fo show.

And finally…

Yesterday I managed to get some of the garden beds cleaned up, as promised, and will hopefully finish that soon and get planting again. And I have cocoa to harvest, too. That will be fun.

Have a great Thursday, everyone.